I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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