I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
