I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
