my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
