even my farts smell like vagina
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
