They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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