ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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