My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
