Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have so many feelings about this burrito
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
