Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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