i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
