Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
