so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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