I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
