i'm signing you up for texting rehab
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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