It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
