remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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