Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
