i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
