I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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