When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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