she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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