Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
