The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
