i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
