how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
