One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
