Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
