I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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