I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
