he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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