I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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