brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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