i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
