who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
