nut hugger
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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