I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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