I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
