Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I cockslap morals
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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