is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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