walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
