Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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