ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
