It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Enjoy the penises
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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