...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
