So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
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Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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