the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
