Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
