I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
