I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
