Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
