i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize