I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
