My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
