New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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