My hair reeks of homosexuality.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
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I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
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With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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