Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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