my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
