He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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