I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They took my balls.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
