I can tuck mytits in my pants
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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