New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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