There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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