Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I want to stick my p in your. b.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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