she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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